Hollywood, California. I am sure that these words alone evocate thoughts of glamorous celebrities, aggressive talent agents, big studios and record labels, posh restaurants and clubs and, of course, disgusting amounts of money. And you would be right, for the most part. Yes all of this exists here but I can say for sure that most people (me included) who live in this famous region of LA to do not have such a lavish lifestyle. But it IS why we came here.
My name is Heather, and I made my own pilgrimage to LaLaLand a little over 5 years ago. As I set out from Washington D.C. to make the journey across the country (alone), I had 4 very long days to plan how I was going to “make it”… First I would start as an assistant to a celebrity or talent agent so I could network and learn the business. Then I’d use those connections to become a singer/songwriter and tour the world making music – the thing I loved to do more than anything. To me it seemed like a genius idea, and I had a background in Marketing and PR to help me find a fantastic position somewhere to set this brilliant plan in motion.
Oh how naive can you be... It had not even occurred to me until I started my first job in LA (uh um, four months after I arrived) that these sneaky industry people had already thought of ways to counteract such an excellent plan. Apparently I wasn’t the first to try and weave their way into a solid acting or singing career by using this method, so there were rules – rules that discouraged you from trying this approach if you wanted to keep your badly needed, low paying agency job.
So I guess by now you’re wondering what all this has to do with weight loss, right? Well, as you can imagine, Los Angeles is one of the last places on earth where you wouldn’t be caught dead carrying around a few extra pounds. It can be a deal breaker – not just for those trying to break into the business for acting or singing, but for those who even want to WORK in it! An assistant’s life at a talent agency was both an intellectual competition and a fashion show (and yes, everyone looks like a model). I have to admit, I am very sure of myself when it comes to my intelligence, work ethic and attention to detail (which was extremely important, considering I catered to the most impatient people on the planet). But my appearance was something that became a BIG issue for me. I started my agency assistant position weighing in at 150lbs, and I quickly felt major pressure to join a gym.
The workout (and food) obsession began, and after 6 months, I had toned up and lost around 20lbs. I felt much better physically and more confident in myself and the clothes I wore to the agency. At that point, I had confidence to find a few other musicians to start making music with! It was an exciting time when things were moving forward and I was optimistic about my music career. But how quickly things can change in the land of broken dreams… My little band disbanded no more than 6 months after we had started something together – one found another group, one joined the military, another was just lazy, and I had to flake a lot because of my work hours. We went our separate ways and at that point I decided I needed to get a different job – one that paid better, where I didn’t have to work 12-hour days, or come in on weekends, or spend 3 hours a day in my car. So I quit. I didn’t have another job to go to, but I did have a boyfriend that could pay me for assisting him until I found something else. After a couple of months I landed a decent marketing job for a very large company in the travel industry.
At first it was an ideal job – 20 minutes to work in the morning, 30 minutes home at night. No weekend work and a bit more pay. Plus some nice travel perks! But soon that enthusiasm started to wear away as I realized I was now on the outskirts of town (literally) and all the things that I wanted when I moved out here felt even further away than ever. I no longer had the “industry” connections, and couldn’t find new band members – I might as well be back on the East Coast where it was at least more affordable to live.
But I stayed. In California and with the company. After the country went to hell in 2008, it was not a safe time to leave a stable position, even if I was unhappy. I took some comfort during the last few years knowing that I did at least have a paycheck coming every two weeks, and that for the most part I could pay my rent and bills. But still to this day I am in survival mode. I have definitely set my dreams aside to take care of basic needs. And to be quite honest, there really isn’t enough for extras. I’m lucky if I can rub two dollars together a few days before payday. At this salary, in this state, and in this economy it has become very difficult to even put food on the table, so I EAT CHEAP. And due to my lack of money, I always take full advantage of the near daily free buffet provided by some amazing cooks/ coworkers. And these are two of the major reasons that I have BALLOONED over the past 2 years – to a whopping 210lbs.
So, I have to admit it…I let myself get fat. Yuck. I have never looked at myself as fat before. I've never really been skinny (even when I was at the agency), but in the last few years there has been a rather quick decline of the state of my emotions – and of course – the state of my body. And my bad body image and depression has not only led to more eating of my favorite comfort foods, but also A LOT of drinking – vodka. So the more I eat, the more I gain and the more depressed I get, so I drink more and then gain more weight, so I feel even worse about myself, so I eat and drink more…you see how this works, right?
A year and a half ago I was a little over 200lbs. At that time I was on a business trip to help run a photo shoot for the marketing department of my company. It was really hard to be around all the models and stylists for those 10 days of the trip, but I just kept busy trying not to think about how uncomfortable I felt with myself. But one of the stylists was very intuitive, and pulled me aside one evening while we were having drinks. Point blank she said “this is not who you are.” I paused, acting like I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but the tears just came out. She gave me a big hug, and continued to tell me that she had suspected that I had not always been that weight and that she could tell that I wasn’t happy with myself.
Through our conversation, she shared with me a program she follows to keep her weight in check and to flush out all the bad chemicals, toxins and other crap that we put into our bodies through food and alcohol. What she was talking about is called Master Cleanse (or the Lemonade Diet) and before it was made well-known by celebrities like Beyonce, people had successfully followed this detox for over 50 years for health and wellness. It was created by Dr. Stanley Burroughs.
When I got home I researched the program. I found a REALLY great book (“Master Cleanse Secrets”) to help me learn more about “The Cleanse” – everything from how to make it and how each ingredient functions in the body, to how to prepare yourself for it, tips to help you through and more (address is available in “links”). After reading this book about The Cleanse, I decided to try it for 10 days (the recommended number of days for the first time) and the results were INCREDIBLE!!! Yes it was difficult, and at times I was hungry, but the way that I felt a few days into it and after (and not to mention the 13lbs I lost) was WELL WORTH IT!!
Afterwards, I WANTED to eat better and DID. I had had IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) for years and most everything I ate made me feel bloated and sick. I didn’t feel like that anymore. It just literally pushed a “reset” button on my health and outlook on food. I kept the weight off for a month or so and then I did it for another 10 days, losing another 15lbs!!! But unfortunately if you let yourself fall back to old habits, then all the weight comes back. And it did for me. I ended up gaining it all back over the course of 8 months. So I tried again – this time for 20 days and lost 18lbs that time. I was ecstatic!! That was 9 months ago and guess what – I have let myself go again!! It came back because I failed to keep my promise of health and wellness to myself. I began my ugly cycle again with eating and drinking as self-medication. 2010 was rough in almost every aspect of my life.
Right now I am at the heaviest I have ever been. I hate to say it, but I have gained 15lbs in the last month a half alone. I looked in the mirror today and made myself a promise to fulfill my NEW dream – getting myself back. After years on the weight yo-yo, I want to finally be rid of all the extra pounds that keep me from moving forward with my life. I don’t want to sit in front of the TV on a Saturday night anymore because I have nothing nice to wear out that fits me. I’m tired of staying away from our beaches (even though I love lying out in the sun) for fear of having to show off my legs and tummy. I am tired of sitting on the sidelines of life and feel myself getting older and heavier.
I’ve decided that I’m going to go all the way and set out on a month and a half journey on The Master Cleanse. I know that it may sound crazy, but I assure you that I have had experience doing this program before and know how my body reacts. I know how to listen to my body and know when it is time to stop. I also know that this amount of time is possible as my boyfriend completed 50 days on The Cleanse last year with much success.
You are going to help me through this. How? I know what to do and how to do it – my biggest issue is ACCOUNTABILITY. If I am not reporting progress to someone, I have been known to cheat. And therefore, fail. I can’t do that – my health and sanity depend on my success in losing my weight and getting my life back in order. This is the start. So, wish me luck and check in to see my progress. Here I go – 40 days to thin(ner)!!
